I'd like to believe that people continuously put a colossal amount of peer pressure on me. My lecturers complaining about my quiz marks because I do not revise properly. My mother pushing me on pursuing my dreams. My boyfriend teaching me how to reverse park. It is easy to point fingers and put blames on people around me. What I should have known that I, myself am constantly exerting a way greater amount of pressure to myself.
" Do you want to settle for mediocre, Yasmin? Is this something you'd like to regret in the future?
I would tell myself from time to time. It trembles me that I have to maintain a certain amount of my own expectations to achieve my dreams. It trembles me every step closer I get to achieving them. It trembles me even more that it is possible that they go to waste.
" If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough? "
What if they actually are, and you've dedicated your whole life into it, and it just won't work? Imagine the blood. The sweat. The tears. Broken is a way to describe it. All you get from it.
I was always told that I give the best set of advice to my friends. Advices that I can never apply to myself.
" God, you're such a hypocrite. "
Well, everyone has confusions.
" Yas, don't be too hard on yourself. "
I guess anyone can tell the kind of mess I am in right now. I have to learn to work my best without being too hard on myself. If only I could have a pause button for me to just figure things out properly. Time is what I need. But it is also my main enemy.