I am not writing this out of what you may think as thirst for empathy; I am writing this as a closure. As an end to a chapter, so that I will get to a happy ending, if not now, eventually. I must say that this has been the biggest fall that I have ever had to endure.
I admit, I have been reckless in handling my emotions. Yasmin Iman. So easily taken by emotions. I guess that's life. You don't necessarily get what you want. What hurts the most is when you try your hardest to grasp what you want, but when things are written not to cross your path, it will not. Rezeki takda nak buat camna.
I have gone through thinking that I was not good enough for anything; at least not for the scholarship bodies I've applied to. Scholarship bodies sponsoring my field of studies are super competitive and rare to find. The crazy exchange rate hurts my chances of studying abroad even more.
Now I know, relentless self-blaming isn't going to take me anywhere. Fall twice; get back up thrice. I will never forget yesterday's disappointment; as it will bloom, mature and develop me into something more. Possibly even more than what I am today.
If not for Degree, I'll see you in a few years for Master's, UCL. And maybe by that time, I will be more ready. More deserving to not only get a placing, but to also achieve more in this ivy league university.
Hate to see your heart break by Paramore